Pozwala sobie żaden opowieść rozgrywanie, scen bez potrzebują więcej temu legs, wings, antennae on the bathroom floor. Drink lots of water. Throw the bugs and all of the water up on your spouse's or partner's pillow. Lunch: Remove the chicken skin from last night's chicken-to-go leftovers your spouse or partner placed the trash can. Drag the skin across the floor several times. Chew it a corner and then abandon. Dinner: Open another can of expensive gourmet cat food. Select a flavor that is especially runny, like Chicken and Giblets Gravy. Lick off all the gravy and leave the actual meat to dry and get hard. From the Just 4 Laughs! list Bathing As A Martial Art Some people say cats never have to be bathed. They say cats lick themselves clean. They say cats have a special enzyme of some sort their saliva that works like new, improved Wisk dislodging the dirt where it hides and whisking it away. I've spent most of life believing this folklore. Like most blind believers, I've been able to discount all the facts to the contrary, the odors that lurk the corners of the garage and dirt smudges that cling to the throw rug by the fireplace. The time comes, however, when a must face reality: when he must look squarely the face of massive public sentiment to the contrary and announce: This cat smells like a port-a-potty on a hot day Juarez. When that day arrives at your house, as it has mine, I have some advice you might consider as you place your feline friend under your arm and head for the bathtub: Know that although the cat has the advantage of quickness and lack of concern for human life, you have the advantage of strength. Capitalize on that advantage by selecting the battlefield. 't try to bathe him open area where he can force you to him. Pick a very small bathroom. If your bathroom is more than four feet square, I recommend that you get the tub with the cat and close the sliding-glass doors as if you were about to take a shower. Know that a cat has claws and not hesitate to remove all the skin from your body. Your advantage here is that you are smart and know how to dress to protect yourself. I recommend canvas overalls tucked into high-top construction boots, a pair of steel-mesh gloves, army helmet, a hockey face mask, and a -sleeved flak jacket. Prepare everything advance. There is no time to go out for a towel when you have a cat digging a hole your flak jacket. Draw the water. Make sure the bottle of shampoo is inside the glass enclosure. Make sure the towel can be reached, even if you are lying on your back the water. Use the element of surprise. Pick up your cat nonchalantly, as if to simply him to his supper dish. Once you are inside the bathroom, speed is essential to survival. a single liquid motion, shut the bathroom door, step into the tub enclosure, slide the glass door shut, dip the cat the water and squirt him with shampoo. You have begun one of the wildest 45 seconds of your life. Cats have no handles. Add the fact that he now has soapy fur, and the problem is radically compounded. Do not expect to hold on to him for more than two or three seconds at a time. When you have him, however, you must remember to give him another squirt of shampoo and rub like crazy. He'll then spring free and fall back into the water, thereby rinsing himself off. Next, the cat must be dried. Novice cat bathers always assume this part be the most difficult, for humans generally are worn out at this point and the cat is just getting really determined. fact, the drying is simple compared to what you have just been through. That's because by now the cat is semipermanently affixed to your right leg. You simply pop the drain plug with you foot, reach for your towel and wait. After all the water is drained from the tub, it is a simple matter to just reach down and dry the cat. a few days the cat relax enough to be removed from your leg. He usually have nothing to say for about three weeks and spend a lot of time sitting with his back to you. He might even become psychoceramic and develop the fixed stare of a plaster figurine. You be tempted to assume he is angry. This isn't usually the case. As a rule he is simply plotting ways to get through your defenses and injure you for life the next time you decide to give him a bath. But at least now he smells a lot better. From